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Off topic, but important - Suffering From Elation
A Survivor's Tale
tania
tania
Off topic, but important
Lately I've heard a couple of negative comments regarding Joe, who does not currently have a job. He is studying two days per week and receiving benefits. At least one friend has observed me paying, with regularity, for some of Joe's food and fun. I believe this has created the wrong impression, so I thought I should mention that beyond the formal studies and volunteering he's doing, he's also looking for work, doing ALL of the housework and washing, and cooking most of our meals, leaving me with little to do but relax outside of work 1950's-dad-style (gotta get me a pipe and cardigan, srsly).

In addition, we've made an agreement for the future. Joe's doing a Diploma in 2010, and that will take one year. After that he means to find a fulltime job in I.T. When he does, I'm to cease working entirely, and start working on my creative projects fulltime, supported by Joe's income. This is our agreement, and this, along with the other stuff he's doing at home right now, is what makes our current financial arrangement fair and equitable.

I can appreciate why some might be concerned, because we had some rough times in the past, and we've both made compromises over the years. In this journal I am guilty of writing volumes when I'm upset but staying mum when things are great, and I'd like to rectify that now. This past year has been the happiest of my life. Joe treats me with love and respect, never speaks harshly to me, values my intelligence and companionship, loves my body, and appreciates my friends. I return it all in kind. We are completely at peace with one another.

So for those of you who've been quietly worrying that I'm being taken advantage of? You're sweet for being concerned, but you needn't worry. I can take care of myself. And as an added bonus, Joe is taking excellent care of me too. :)
10 have fought ~ fight the power!
Comments
(Deleted comment)
tania From: tania Date: August 4th, 2009 07:49 am (UTC) (Link)
It wouldn't surprise me if Joe follows suit someday. He's very creative, but hasn't chosen a particular direction to pursue, which is why he's going into a more solid field for the time being. Making a living from creativity requires a totality of committment and focus that he doesn't have yet - he prefers to dabble, and as such wisely confines his creative activities to hobbies. :) I like to think of him as a mad little egg, not quite hatched yet - all potential. *grin*
stonelizard From: stonelizard Date: August 4th, 2009 07:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Rich and I have done that sort of thing on and off - when I first left uni he supported me when I was building my folio... when that fell flat / personal choice, I immediately got the first job I could to help take the pressure off. Then when the Brisbane thing fell through, I was supporting him for a couple of months. Now he is supporting me so I don't have to take the first job I find and can concentrate on finding something decent - but if nothing comes of that in the next couple of months I will return to any old job to help bring in some money - although Rich has said up to six months if I need. It is like a rollercoaster! It is what you do in relationships :)
master_haakon From: master_haakon Date: August 4th, 2009 10:02 am (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like the normal give and take of a long term relationship to me.
rahball From: rahball Date: August 4th, 2009 10:42 am (UTC) (Link)

completely random...

*huuuugs*! :) <3
crssafox From: crssafox Date: August 4th, 2009 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
You know, I almost feel bad when I tell people I'm no longer working a full-time, steady income job. July began full-time work on jewelry & other creative projects for me; my husband's income pays the bills, and my income supports the "fun stuff." However, after a full month of not working a desk job, I have also come to this realization, as has my husband: it's a million times better to have someone at home, able to care for the day-to-day tasks of caring for a household, whether it's staying on top of laundry, or dishes, or making meals.

I can't even begin to tell you of the money we've been saving because I can make full meals from scratch, rather than having to buy convenience meals, either from the freezer section at the grocery store or a restaurant of some kind. We were easily spending a lot of money on prepared foods, something we don't have to do any more. In addition, I can have dinner ready to go shortly after he gets home from work, so we eat sooner, rather than eating at 8 or 9 pm, if I were to attempt the same money-saving meals after work, so we get more of our evening to relax and be productive in projects.

Not only that, but because I can keep up with household chores (instead of us both being so tired & irate from an annoying day at work) we both feel like we've regained some sanity.

So if anyone ever looks down on any couple for one "working" and the other "not" - they need to step back and realize that there is still enough to fill a day with work, even if it is not "paid" work - it is beneficial to both parties none the less.

Of course ideally we would love to see our business take off and require both of us to be at home each day to work, but until that happens, our situation is a good one. :)
master_haakon From: master_haakon Date: August 4th, 2009 11:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
+1 to this comment.

I love being able to come home from work at the end of the day to my fiancee and kids and not having to worry about organising dinner/washing/house etc.
leggz From: leggz Date: August 5th, 2009 12:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Good for you for clearing the air. I wasn't personally concerned, but I know that open communication always prevents nasty festering ill-feelings within friendship groups. Happy to see the wise-lady doing her thang' in her awesome way. :]
alby_lion From: alby_lion Date: August 5th, 2009 04:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Your relationship is your business, and you don't have to justify it to anybody else or compare it to anybody else's relationship.
tania From: tania Date: August 5th, 2009 04:59 am (UTC) (Link)
True dat, but I don't like to hear people dissin' mah man when they're not in posession of all the facts, particularly if it's partially my fault that they're not. If that made any sense. God, boredom is rotting my brain, I'm on my third-last day at work and I have a severe infestation of ants in my pants. :D
10 have fought ~ fight the power!