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Cohesion - Suffering From Elation
A Survivor's Tale
tania
tania
Cohesion
The house feels cohesive lately - everyone is getting along well, everyone does their part. There's now a dishes roster and a bathroom cleaning roster that have both worked well over the past week or so. The new flatmate Ben actually likes gardening, so the weeds are down. He's often very slow to pay his rent (and then pays in small amounts, like $10 at a time over a few days) but there's juuust enough flexibility in my budget at the moment to compensate for that, and frankly, having him cheerfully work on the garden without even being asked to is MORE than worth it.

Ben's 'temporary' stay is extending into something indefinably longer-term, but nobody is complaining! The cheaper rent has made life easier for everyone - we're each paying less than $100 per week, and Ben still less again, as he has the smallest room.

Hammond continues being a regular visitor, and is practically part of the household. Today Joe and I cooked burgers for ourselves, Hammond and Kelly, and for dessert Kelly supplied berries, pikelets and cream. We played cards and then Hammond and Kelly studied for their anatomy exams.

Last night I bought a bag of lemons, and Joe made a concoction of lemon juice, water, honey and excellent-quality vodka that was A+++!

Right now, Chris, Jess and Joe are playing a network game of Age of Empires II (old school, right?) and I'm killing time until I hit the sack. I want to be in bed by 10:30 and awake at 6.

Things with Joe are going well. We rarely argue; we've had arguments perhaps only twice since we've been back together, and these were handled reasonably and quickly sorted out. Emotionally, he is entirely here... I'm not sure how else to explain it. He is attentive and has a certainty about him that I never felt from him before. And for my part, I trust him completely, something I never managed before. He can go off and spend time with whoever he pleases and I'm never paranoid or at loose ends. Yet for all the freedom we both have now, neither of us chooses to take it much. I think before we were just beating against the bars of our cages; with the bars gone we took a flap into the wilderness, looked around a bit, then flew back home and decided that this is what we choose for ourselves: bars aren't needed to hold us here.

When my three-month probation is up at work, after I have worked my butt off and (hopefully) suitably impressed them, I'm going to ask if I can work my 38-hour week in longer days of 7.30am - 5.30pm Monday to Thursday, and have Friday off. Fuze got me used to longer shifts, and the idea of having one day per week designated as a total 'me day' really appeals. While I was briefly unemployed I spent a couple of glorious days alone at cafe Cibo, sipping coffee and writing on my laptop. I'd like to make those days a regular occurrence (I write better in a bustling public space than in a silent house), but I don't want to cut into my Joe-and-friends-and-fun time on the weekends. I'm already fairly certain work will be amenable to the request.

Oh my gosh - on April 8th, I turn 26! I am content with where I am right now, but ambitious too, keen to improve my lot even further in the next few years. I can see myself being happy in this job for many years providing that the conditions continue to be flexible and the pay grows in line with my experience and effort, so my main focus until age 30 will be on improving finances, I think: first, finishing off the remaining debt I have, then building a property portfolio. Creatively there's nothing new I want to do with my art, but writing... definitely. I have a long way to go before I do all the things I'd like to do with writing.

I would also like to have kids before age 30, but you can't force a thing like that. When I'm ready, when I'm responsible, when I've set my life up so there's space for a kid and I can give him/her a supportive upbringing without financial struggle (because I assume parenting is hard enough without that extra worry), that will be the time.

In the meantime, I'm having so much fun, I wouldn't want to change this life for anything. Somehow, the older I get the younger I feel; I start to realize how much time I still have to do everything I've ever wanted to do, and to understand that the urgency I once had that made me leap into things too deeply with Rob, the driving need for security that drove Joe away for a while, is unnecessary. I've got a whole lifetime ahead of me. If the rest of it is even half as good as what I've had so far, it will be a wonderful life.
3 have fought ~ fight the power!
Comments
darkwingpsycho From: darkwingpsycho Date: March 30th, 2008 06:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Tania, although we are the same age, I feel like there is so much wisdom that I am learning vicariously through you. I still feel an awful lot of impatience that hovers over my life and my decisions and sometimes makes me want to pitch myself forward into things that I know better than to push myself into. Luckily I listen to the voice that tells me to back off, but at the same time I get so depressed that things don't seem to be moving forward. The funny thing is, things *are* moving forward, just maybe in a different direction than I planned. And I think it's very intuitive for you to have reached the conclusion that you can't plan on anything and that you don't have to make things work nownowNOW. I think somewhere I've known that, but it's a lot easier to make peace with when you realize that you're not alone. :)
sigmoidal_suseq From: sigmoidal_suseq Date: March 30th, 2008 10:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Send me writings! Also I tried a few basic indesign tutorials but it's all kind of boring and obvious (how to open a document / create a new document / put in a text box). definitely think I'll just google when I need to. Any suggestions for any good design books?
c_eagle From: c_eagle Date: March 31st, 2008 07:43 am (UTC) (Link)
or at least by age 35 I guess.. or there's still adoption... *peep*
3 have fought ~ fight the power!