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The Amazing Vanishing Tania - Suffering From Elation
A Survivor's Tale
The Amazing Vanishing Tania
Quick Note: tomorrow night's coffee night venue has shifted to 3 Monkeys, as I think we'll be a small enough group this time to warrant that.

Actual Point Of This Entry: Don't expect to see me in person for at least a couple of weeks, guys - between increased shift length at work and a four-day sojourn up to the coast to see mum over this weekend, then more long shifts next week, my social life is going to be temporarily sucked into the swirling vortex of Everything Else. I still love you all! I just can't be with you. :(

I will be able to attend the next three coffee nights for certain, though.

It's been a long, strange, sad day - alien and utterly familiar all rolled up into one. I would much rather be at home with a warm kitty and a good book right now, but I'm at work. Such is life - and on the bright side, I have the good book with me. Though not the kitty. Still, Kim sheds enough hair into the keyboard that it's almost the same. :D

Some parts of the day were nice, namely the part where I chilled with Joe in the Southbank Parklands for an hour, chatting on a bench 'til the sky started spitting at us. Then we got dinner and went to see 'The Mist', an adaption of a Stephen King novella I've read a few times over the years... the entire thing was remarkably faithful to the novella right up 'til the end, when they replaced Stephen King's trademark Crappy Ending with an ending that was actually GOOD, if horrifying and cruel. Actually, I've seen many scarier movies, but 'The Mist' may have been the most emotionally horrific I've ever seen onscreen. :\ Oh Stephen King, why didn't YOU think of this awesome ending instead of the shithouse one you gave it? It's going to stay with me for a very... very... very long time.

Highly recommended. Not a feelgood film, be warned.

More General Updatey Stuff: I went to Greg and Elizabeth D's party with Joe the other night, saw some awesome people I haven't seen in a while (it was my kind of party - more talking than getting pissed and falling off the balcony, y'know?) and as the night wound down (we went til 2am!) we somehow wound up sitting around a table playing an elaborate board game. I think it was Settlers of Catan. Anyway, this led to a conversation about 'true' tabletop roleplaying games like Dungeons and Dragons. All around the table reflected that they'd never tried anything like this before, except Greg, a long time ago. He still had the second-edition D&D book. One thing led to another and now we're doing a D&D day next Sunday. Heehee, holy shit.

Oh yeah, that Sunday - March 2nd - is the first social-time I'll have free in aaages. Sadfats.


The comic made me laugh, and then Gabe's accompanying journal entry almost made me cry: http://www.penny-arcade.com/2008/02/08

I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow, which will get me referred to a psychologist. I don't think for a moment I'm in need of drugs, hence the 'ology' instead of the 'iastry'. In fact I'm doing really well this year, nice and stable (except for four days per month, and even those are a vast improvement) but Gabe's description of 'anxiety stacks' is familiar in a small but close-to-home way. I've never let it stop me from doing anything, but I have a feeling it's stopped me relating to people properly a few times, back when I couldn't identify it working away at me. I regret not having realised what a problem I had sooner; I've lost so much through my own actions.

Well... I'm all out of journal entry.
6 have fought ~ fight the power!
tengukun From: tengukun Date: February 11th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
That is EXACTLY what Lexapro did to me. :P Hence my reason for avoid medication altogether anymore... anything I've tried has actually made the problem worse. I relate all too well to what he's talking about with the stacking worry. It's like there's no such thing as a "small problem". Everything matters. That's General Anxiety Disorder for you.
tania From: tania Date: February 11th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like that it spells 'gad'. GAD!!

Did you ever work out a way to handle yours? *pause* What's hilarious is that I'm chatting with you in ACTUAL CHAT right now and I'm still asking this here... I'm keeping the conversations pure, dude!

Edited at 2008-02-11 04:35 pm (UTC)
tengukun From: tengukun Date: February 11th, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hehehe, it's okay, it might be relevant to someone else reading this. You never know!

Xanax has helped me in the past for the panic attacks, but it's a temporary fix, not a daily medication. In all honesty? Not a single medication I've tried has actually helped me at all - it's done either absolutely nothing, or it's actually made the problem WORSE as well as causing unpleasant side effects like constant nausea, jitters, and sleep attacks. What DID end up helping was seeing a doctor about something that seemed totally unrelated - you recall me telling you about the pain doctor? Combine about 12+ years of constant, unrelenting pain and a bunch of strained-to-the-fray nerves in your spine, and you're bound to have anxiety problems too. I got my spine worked on and a lot of that went away.

Not to say I don't still have problems, but they don't keep me awake at night the way they used to. :)
sigmoidal_suseq From: sigmoidal_suseq Date: February 11th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
The best thing about some of my anti-depressant medication was if you left it on your tongue for too long it'd go numb. Like stupidly limp numb. My doctor's suggestion - swallow it faster.

Hopefully more talking equals happier Tania *hugs*
tania From: tania Date: February 11th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's the idea. :) *hugs* I miss you, little thang! You and your lolling tongue.
martes From: martes Date: February 11th, 2008 07:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I actually was happy with the King ending of The Mist. It might have left things ambiguous, but sometimes that's what really happens.

speaking as such, there's a certain scary book winging it's way towards you even as we speak. Read it and weep.
6 have fought ~ fight the power!