Oh, alright. I'm doing it. Inspiration struck. Username is TaniaWalker. WHO ELSE IS DOING THIS I MUST HAVE YOUR DETAILS IMMEDIATELY KTHXBAI.

Mine's an urban fantasy. Joe and I developed the idea over the course of a few long walks, after deciding we'd like to see wizards done with a bit of grit. Synopsis:

WANDS
Through a botched suicide attempt, a walking dead man discovers the fading underworld of magical "pullers" and "pushers". His unique abilities lead him into conflict with a powerful enemy, and his only allies are a group of pompous old Englishmen, a hippie girl who may have breathed a little too much patchouli, and a wrench-wielding biker who doesn't believe any of this is actually happening.

I just wrote that off the top of my head, so apologies for the suck. Writing a synopsis is an ART FORM, one which I do not yet possess. Writing a one-sentence summary? Harder yet. I foresee great struggle when the time comes to write a one-sentence summary of the book I just finished.

The puller/pusher idea is one I've been playing with for years, I just never quite found the right story to build around it. Over the years I've tried, with awkward results, to insert it into stories where it simply didn't work at all.

I'm aiming for a lighthearted tone. Having said that, I'm going to be drawing on my experience of depression for the main character. The thing about depression is that it's SO extreme that, once you've recovered from it, it's... god, I feel awful saying this, but it's something you can laugh about. Like being able to look back and laugh about those extreme high-school crushes that made you miserable at the time... It's just such an extreme thing, and in extremities, there is humor.

I don't know. Perhaps it's just a case of "laugh so you don't cry". That was the only way I could process it.

So I'm a day late (and I'm taking today off as well), but I'll hit this target. You watch me.

PS: JB's birthday part on Saturday night nearly killed me. Epic karaoke! Spent Sunday with hammond and sigmoidal_suseq who has a 'button' t-shirt that made me die of happiness. Sawyer has settled in so completely with his uncles that he is, once again, using human beings as furniture. Go Sawyer! All's well that ends well.

Last night (after a ten hour day, and not the first), I finished the first draft of my novel. It weighs in at 130,000 words. It was written in under two months. This is a cheering though re the imminent NanoWriMo.

Today I'll be giving the end a quick tidy-up, as it was written in haste while waiting for a bus. Then my writing buddy Mark gets a digital copy at our writing group meet tonight. Then I'll leave it untouched over November, and in December I'll return to it with fresh eyes, do a second draft, and distribute it to anyone else who's asked for a peek around the end of the year. I'm surprised by some of the people who've asked - post-apocalyptic speculative fiction isn't everyone's cup of tea, after all.

Worried about Nano. It starts in three days. I have plenty of novel ideas but I like to spend a lot of time on research and development before I begin. At very least I'd like to go in with a plot breakdown. I know I can easily turn out 5000 - 8000 words per day, but that's when I have a strong idea of where the story is going.

I'm thinking instead I could use the month to write a series of picture book manuscripts - they're generally under 2000 words in length. This idea has two direct consequences: I'd have to turn out 25 picture books at a rate of roughly one per day, and I would no longer be eligible to compete in NanoWriMo, officially.

I'm okay with point two - I'm not doing this for a bit of paper, or to prove to myself that I can (I've already proven that two times over and then some). I'm not doing it because I need the motivation to set aside regular writing times, as that's already a habit now to the point where I feel odd on weekends when I don't write. Nooo, I'm doing this because I want to develop a body of work asap. No publisher is going to be terribly interested in a writer who only has one book in them.

Point one could be a problem though. I've got maybe six viable ideas for picture books now - and I've already written one of them. That puts me right back at the need to brainstorm again!

For today, I'm taking a break - my brain needs one. My body seriously needs a massage! And on Friday I'm having lunch with Vix, then watching Footloose with Rosa while our boys watch The Machinist in the next room, and on Saturday it's JB's birthday BBQ (though I should have the morning free to brainstorm), and Sunday is reserved for Robbie to come over and play video games with us - though I might have got those days the wrong way around. Anyway. On the upside, I'm heading up to the coast for the next fortnight to spend time with mum, who recently broke up with her partner, and as she does a lot of gardening, I should get plenty of time to write. Even if I have to spend the first few days of November brainstorming and planning, I think I can still manage a 50k novel.

Today: massage. And sushi. :D

Current Location: Off with my iPhone

Last night we sent Sawyer off with Hammond and Adders for a weeklong trial. If all goes well, he's going to move in with them permenantly! The boys are moving out on their own next year, bless 'em (we all get to the point where we want a place of our own sooner or later, Joe and I will have our very own apartment in Tasmania next year too) so Sawyer will only be sharing their love with one other cat, Izzy. This brings Casa Kenmore down to only three cats, my Nami and Jangles, and Richard's Beckett. So once we hit Tassie, we will also be down to two, which I think is a healthier nber for cats and their humans alike.

I am sad to see the little furball go, but happy to know he's going to live with two men I trust and love dearly, and that he will be well cared for.

In other news, the move date for Tasmania is January 20th. We're looking for a ute or van to purchase for the move and as a short-distance runaround thereafter. Moving with our own vehicle + trailer proved, after much calculation and figure-checking, to be as affordable as moving any other way. This way we get a vehicle and trailer to keep at the end.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this here, but Mum is taking me on a girls-only trip around Europe around the middle of next year. I'm thrilled - it's not something I could have afforded on my own, and it'll mark the first time I've ever been outside my home country. I want to drink it all in, to really get a feel for every place we go to, not just do touristy stuff (though there will be some of that too).

Mum says when I do the catacombs under Paris, I'm on my own. She's going to go shopping instead. Really, I've no-one to blame but myself; my brother and I were adventurous children and liked nothing better than, say, getting mum out on the centre of a suspension bridge with us, and then bouncing it up and down to make her scream. We ruined her.

Dad's wedding is coming up, as is Joe's birthday. I have something special in mind for the latter. Need to check a few details...

Due to business plan and freelance stuff I've had no time for writing this week, but I'm going to rectify that with an all-day session today. I hope to hit 10k words but anticipate 7500. Current word count is something like 53,000. I found a great app to keep track of that. Speaking of apps, thanks for all the recommendations, guys!

So the plan is to try and finish this novel before the end of October so I can shelve it over November while I work on another project for NanoWriMo. I don't have great hopes for aceing Nano because I haven't done much plot development on the other ideas, and I'm one of those people who really works well from outlines and scene-by-scene breakdowns. The point is that Nano will help keep me away from the first draft of my current book for a month, so I can approach it in December with fresh eyes.

Additionally, I officially open for freelance business in November. I'm already getting a few earlybird clients. Yesterday I completed a job that took roughly two days all up, but paid the equivalent of two weeks wages from my last full-time job. Sometimes freelancing is a pain in the ass, and I know that I have complained (and will complain) about it here before. But it helps to keep the positives in mind. This time I'm aiming to do so.

It's past 9am, which means I'm cutting into writing time (no, blogging doesn't count), so I'm going to end this post riiiight... now.

Current Location: Off with my iPhone

Hi LiveJournal! Thanks to the wonder that is the iPhone, I should be able to post here more often. (I can see how excited you all are.)

Having said that, I've nothing to say! Hammond and Adders are here and we're watching Dilbert. Awaaaay!

Current Location: Off with my iPhone

What can I say? Life is awesome. I haven't abandoned LJ, not at all - my goodness, after the victory of FINALLY getting my OWN NAME here, why would I ever do that? Nope, you're stuck with me for at least another five or six decades, guys.

I just can't update much because the place where I get my regular internet access has cookies disabled (at HQ, not on individual machines, so I can't get around it) so no LJ, Facebook et al for me. I may have said this last entry, it's been so long since I updated I'm not sure. Anyway, Richard's shown me how to pinch and use his modem for the times I really need it (to be fair, that'll mostly be for NEIS and freelancing stuff) so I might be able to update a wee bit more often from now on. Today I paid for my internet access with a greasy McDonalds breakfast. :P

ANYWAY.

Here's what's going on for me.

I'm going through the NEIS training without much struggle. The training basically amounts to writing a killer business plan. This isn't the first I've written, and running Interrobang taught me a lot about what (and what NOT) to do. So that's all coming out smoothly.

I'm still writing all the time. The novel is now up to 46,000 words and the end is not yet nigh. In fact I'm only halfway through. It's going to be a whopper.

I started a small writing group (small as in three people, total) with Joey and Mark. Fortnightly meetings in a coffee shop, read and critique, the usual stuff. It's brilliant fun and extra good because we're all honest, critical people yet we all know one another well enough that nothing is ever taken the wrong way. There aren't any towering egos in the group, which is brilliant. If anything, Mark and I in particular (we're working on novels, Joe is working on articles to submit to Cracked.com) are desperate for really harsh, critical feedback.

I'm doing the odd freelance job, but not taking a full-on workflow until November, when I officially start my freelancing business. I'm also doing some freebie jobs for a small local charity / political group. When the business kicks in, I've raised my hourly rate from what it was last time I did this (2006) because by constantly undercutting myself, I was getting some pretty douchey clients. I've no illusions, by the way. I know I'll get douchey clients anyway. Once that was enough to drive me away from freelancing, but when you wind up under a boss who frustrates you on a daily basis as much as one or two clients did a handful of times over six months, you re-evaluate your attitude to freelancing. Additionally, this allows me time to write that my full-time job didn't.

What else. Hrmm. We're looking for a ute or van around the three grand mark (preferably less). Doesn't have to be good or pretty, just has to survive a trip to Tassie. The rental charges to take a car-and-trailer or a truck that distance (it's a four-day journey) are so high it'll ultimately be more beneficial for us just to buy the bloody vehicle. At least that way we'll have something to show for it afterwards. If anyone in or around Brissie knows of something going, please let me know!

I want a bicycle, but am holding off 'til Tassie. One less thing to take down. Speaking of which, I've made a start on clearing out the crap in the garag... without any sort of vehicle, this is a tough proposition. I'm doing it bit by bit, by utilising what space is left in our wheelie bins the night before trash collection each week. Slow going indeed. I could really use that van...

I'm switching to an iPhone on a plan on Monday. It'll be the first plan I've been on since Telstra anally raped me back in 2001. It WON'T be with Telstra. I realised the other day I'm spending about $60 per month on prepaid credit, and that I could get an iPhone for less.

The two online writing courses I've been doing are almost through. They both gave me a lot of confidence.

My lovely little nephew Kyson turned one a couple of weeks ago. Joey and I went up the coast for the birthday bash. It was our first exposure to a birthday party for one-year-olds. We are afraid. Very afraid. Also I may never be able to eat cake again. "Mashed all over a small child's face" is not the most appealing presentation of that particular dish. :(

What else. Went through Indian cooking spree. Considering sushi next (we've home-made it before, badly). Got kicked out of one writer-unfriendly cafe a couple weeks ago. Developing strange loyalty to Coffee Clubs, which welcome me with open arms.

Joey isn't updating his own journal much either, so I'll chime in for him here and say he's good too, we're taking lots of spirit walks and he's almost through his TAFE course, and he's writing some funny stuff which I hope to see up on Cracked sometime soon.

Love to all, until next time I steal Richard's modem or choke down a hash brown.

Well, the main thing I've been up to is Having No Internets. Which technically is something I'm NOT up to, but it's a good thing - the lack of distraction has left me open to do a bunch of awesome stuff.

- I'm currently registering with NEIS, which is Centerlink's small business aid system. They will support me for the next 12 months while I get on my feet as an independent illustrator / writer. Yeah, apparently they'll give you moneys for that if you've got some experience and can confidently convince them you can do it. Who knew? I'm struggling through the mammoth stack of paperwork for it today but if this pans out, not only will I have guaranteed support while I venture into the big scary publishing world, I'll also be able to move to Tasmania without loss of benefits.

- Speaking of which, no set date yet. It'll be early next year, right before Joe starts his Diploma down there.

- I'm doing two online courses on writing for children. My focus with these is picture books (for obvious reasons - eight years of art industry experience certainly qualifies as a toe in the picture-book door) though I'm also devoting a lot of time to working on my novel.

- Did I say a lot of time? Some days I spend as little as two or three hours writing. Other days, twelve solid hours. The last time I did that, late last week, I wrote 16,000 words. If this looks like a boast, it is. Writing is HARD, dammit!

- Related to the above, I also have one picture book manuscript (still at first draft stage) and a few more in the works. One of my courses involves direct feedback from a very prolific picture book author and, me being a perfectionist AND a coward, I want to get the manuscript just right before I give it to her for review.

- I am gradually pulling myself back into an exercise-y frame of mind - walking most places, etc - nothing hardcore yet. I've just got over not one, but TWO back-to-back Epic Colds that knocked me right out of commission. Of course I'm better now, so any other reason I give for not pounding the pavement is almost guaranteed to be a weak excuse. I'm also not eating as well as I should, though better than I did when I was working. Nowadays we only get one takeout per week these days, as opposed to three or four times per week when I was working. Shame on me.

- I'm poor. Very, very poor. I'm also very happy. Joe and I do the weekly grocery shop together and have made it a challenge to spend a little less money each week. We've taken to buying fresh ingredients and making all our food from scratch - none of these jar sauces for us. We make all our sauces from scratch. Our stir fries are legendary.

- Leading on from that, I've taken up cooking! Joe was always handy in the kitchen but I never had much interest until now. I'm still wary of the witchcraft that is baking, but that's okay, because baking is one of Joe's favourite pastimes. I love stovetop cooking myself, and am working out how to make the meat in a stir-fry come out extra-tender, and I've also discovered the wonders of pasta salads (quick, easy, cheap, and will feed two people for DAYS), and we're enjoying the odd home-made pizza too. Joe intends to make the base from scratch next time, to stay true to our policy of not buying anything pre-made. We are, however, still buying some of our veggies frozen, as they often work out cheaper that way.

- We are considering going partially vegetarian, not so much for health or moral reasons (though those are nice bonuses) but because meat is easily the most expensive part of the groceries. Joe has been vegetarian before, and I've gone through phases where I barely touched meat... it's good, but I can live without having it every night.

- I've developed an interest in gardening. However, I'm trying to crush it mercilessly until we get to Tasmania, as I discovered that quarantine laws mean I may not be permitted to take my houseplants with me. So no point getting into it now just to leave everything I do behind. This makes me Sad, though, as Nicholas the Peace Lily has been with me for a long time, and I just divided and repotted him into a lovely new basket. I suspect he is too close to the window and is getting a tad too much sunlight, as he refuses to flower for me. Hey, I said I enjoyed gardening... I didn't say I was good at it. Anyhow, once I'm down there I'm going to research the local climate and see what grows well - I'd like to have a small herb garden and grow whatever veggies can handle the cold. Also, apparently strawberries grow like WHOA down there. YES PLEASE OM NOM NOM.

- Seen some good movies lately - 'District 9', which we both loved, and 'Up', which made us both cry. (Dobbed in, Joe!) It's easily our new favourite.

- Our friend Sarah Grey moved to the States, and we miss her terribly, as she was always good for a laugh and a chillout on the porch. We're spending a lot of time with Chloe, and through her Joe's become involved in some pro-choice rallies. I'm focusing more on the writing stuff but I did a design for her and will front up to the next big event. Chloe is going to teach me to sew! Good thing, because I can't afford the lessons I wanted to get.

- We're also still seeing a lot of my friends from my former job, and had a big party and sleepover last weekend; they're the ones we went to see 'Up' with. I'm starting an informal writers group with Mark, informal because while Mark and I are serious about it, Rosa and Joey are in it for fun, but I kind of like that... it'll spare us the potential for wankery.

- Spending all this extra time with Joe has been amazingly good.

- I've been off medication for the past month. I couldn't be happier.

I'm missing those of you I have mostly-online contact with... especially you, Amy. Give the bub some hugs from his fairy godmother.

Just a quick note to say that I don't have regular internet access at the moment, so I won't be as active online as I have been. All good though, I'm getting heaps done! My first two courses have started. As I suspected they don't compromise nearly enough work to keep me as busy as I'd like, but it's early days.

The first few days of this week were (predictably) rough - being put through the wringer at Centerlink, discovering my work overpaid me by $500 and that I had to repay that back, screwing my budget, missing a freelance opportunity because I was out of the loop up at mum's for a week - but it's all good now. This week has been an adjustment period.

And here is the good: cooking dinner every night (Joe and I co-made delicious pizza the last couple of nights, OMG SO GOOD I'm never having takeout pizza again), the writing classes I eventually chose are EXCELLENT, Centerlink looks like it's going to work out, I get free internets at my local jobsearch agency and they're so cool here they don't mind me doing stuff like updating this journal (which is why I won't be entirely absent, cheers guys!), and I have spent a lot of time writing and a lot of time in the sun. Also, my home office is totally boss.

So yeah, I live. And now I must head out... to adventure! And by adventure I mean coffee.

Well, I did it. Friday was my last day. It went by REALLY quickly, and I'm not just saying that because we all went and got wasted on the company dime afterwards. My coworkers bought me the full box set of Carl Sagan's 'Cosmos', which is going to be AMAZING, filled up a huge card with goodbye messages for me, drew awesome cartoons all over the envelope, and Rosa also drew me a special pair of goodbye pics which I intend to upload here when I get digital copies from her. They sure know how to make a gal feel bad about leaving!

But of course I've only left the job, not them. Case in point: a few of us are going to have a MIGHTY AVATAR MARATHON this weekend, punctuated by a trip to the cinema to see District 9, and an outing to go see a national Pole Dancing competitive performance on Saturday night.

What? We have a history with pole dancing! Plus, I just like watching scantily-clad ladies shimmy.

Last week has been a busy week but, among other things, Joey and I bid farewell to our friend Sarah Grey, who is moving to America for a while. We'll miss her loads - not only is she awesome and funny but she's our only friend who lives close enough to make night-time hangout visits practical! She was our "chillout on the porch" friend! Woe.

The same week was brightened by a visit from the lovely Liz, up on holiday from Canberra. Much Doctor Who was watched and as a result of me bemoaning the lack of 10/Jack kissing in the series, Joe managed to find me a very special video. Hahaha...



Captain Jack is my hero. Beyond that, he's TV's first decent bisexual role model. You go, John Barrowman! If only he were just slightly younger he could have been cast as Captain America. Not only would he have been bloody excellent, but the fallout would have been entertaining too - imagine all the fanboy rage caused by having that all-American manly hero played by a flaming queer.

This week I'm up on the Sunny Coast taking a much-needed holiday. I spent the weekend with Dad, have spent much of the week with Mum, and will be returning to Dad's tomorrow so I'm in place to hitch a lift back to Brissie with him on Friday morning. There I have my job network interview, but more enjoyably, hangout plans with the ex-workmates. Geez, guys, you can't get rid of me THAT easily.

I've enrolled in and paid for an online short course in writing for children, and will be following up with a couple of others. Centerlink does not view these as 'official' study, despite the fact that I'm probably going to learn a hell of a lot more in a few months under the personal tutelage of published authors than I would in three years of university, so I shall have to jobsearch at the same time. Problem is, I'm terribly good at jobsearching, but I most certainly do not want to get a job that isn't in Hobart in six months because that'll just waste everyone's time, so I'm going to have to deliberately apply to jobs I know I won't get. Still a waste of time, but marginally less of a waste than getting a job I'd have to leave in a few months anyway.

Clever me, I managed to come down with an utterly rotten cold right at the start of my holiday, and I'm still trying to shake it now. If it's gone by Friday I'll consider this a win - if I have to get sick I might as well do so during the one week I've devoted to lying about in the sun doing nothing.

Back to work now. And by work I mean writing, which at this point does not feel very much like work at all. (Give it a few years though, worked wonders for drawing.)

OK. Having done the Serious Thinking I referred to earlier, I've decided I'm going to spend the remainder of this year doing a few specialised writing courses. I've been researching these for about a month. The four I ultimately chose vary in length and pricing, but all of them are run by experienced published authors in my areas of interest, and all are held in high esteem.

Beyond that I'm going to do a little freelance to keep myself alive, but I want to spend the time between now and the Hobart move learning as much as I can, as quickly as I can. I'll also be taking a couple of courses in dressmaking and growing produce, and spending some time getting my fitness up to scratch again.

The point of this entry is that I'm going to be paying for these courses and making very little income in the process, so I'm looking for some money saving tips from you, my good friends and readers. My current situation is simple. I have no debt beyond a small mortgage and I've already done the calculations and found I can cover my rent, mortgage payments and groceries with money to spare. I want to hang onto that spare money for course costs and periodical costs like bills, my health insurance and additional mortgage payments, so I have to reduce those little everyday costs that have been nibbling away at the corners of my paycheck. These are the money saving ideas I have so far:

- Stop using the dryer. It's dying anyway and costs about $4/load.
- Ensure the fridge isn't set too cold (sucks up a lot of extra electricity).
- Cook with fresh ingredients: no takeout or frozen meals!
- Always do grocery shopping with a list to avoid impulse buys.
- Only ever purchase clothes from Op Shops (I pretty much already do this, but not exclusively).
- Cease and desist DVD rentals; we have other ways of getting those anyway.

What else? Suggestions?

Reading back through the above, I'm embarrassed that I didn't apply any of these ideas sooner. This is where working for the money really gets me; when I bring in too much money I start living to the extent of my means... even where that means deliberately wasting the stuff! It's pretty douchey to complain about earning money, but to be frank I think it makes me a worse person. I don't bother fixing things that break, I just throw them out. I don't bother learning to MAKE anything because I can buy instead. Half the time I don't even bother hunting for the best price, I just swoop in and buy based on pure convenience. I don't like seeing that sort of blind, thoughtless consumerism in myself. I don't like spending just because I can.

A couple of good friends showed me an absolutely awesome website: www.wesabe.com. Using this you can import all the data from your bank statements online, tag each purchase into a category (ie 'coffee', 'groceries', 'books'), set financial goals, and check out the amazing charts the site automatically produces to show you precisely where your money is going. For instance, as much as it shames me to admit it, it turns out I spent roughly $120 on takeout meals for Joe and I during the month of July. That's a fortnight's rent right there. Don'tjudgeme.

Wesabe taught me that I spent as much on coffee as I did on the electricity bill last month. I spent more on books than on my own healthcare. I spent more on transport (buses and the odd taxi) than I did on groceries.

Wesabe showed me that I waste roughly $10 dollars per month on ATM fees, from those instances when I've used another bank's ATM because I couldn't be buggered finding my own. Doesn't sound like much until you think of it as an amount of $120 per year. I could buy myself two wicked pairs of hot boots for that!

So, Wesabe. Pretty cool! Highly recommended. And speaking of recommendations, if you've got any tips on how to make everyday life cheaper, please lay 'em on me. This next month or so is going to require some major lifestyle adjustments.

Whilst this is not relevant to anything going on in my life, I've had times in the past when I've turned down dating someone because I felt they were "too nice". That sounds like a self-defeating thing to say, doesn't it? But for some reason, "nice guys" always frustrated me; I felt as though they bought out the worst in me. Boredom, and the temptation to get bossy. I always assumed this reflected badly on my personality.

Today I found this article through a link someone posted in Roz's journal, and it made me feel a whole lot better about that gut instinct that always made me keep "nice guys" at a distance.

---

From http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

---

Fascinating. I wanted to go through and bold parts of this until I realised I'd be bolding at least 50% of the damn thing.

Lately I've heard a couple of negative comments regarding Joe, who does not currently have a job. He is studying two days per week and receiving benefits. At least one friend has observed me paying, with regularity, for some of Joe's food and fun. I believe this has created the wrong impression, so I thought I should mention that beyond the formal studies and volunteering he's doing, he's also looking for work, doing ALL of the housework and washing, and cooking most of our meals, leaving me with little to do but relax outside of work 1950's-dad-style (gotta get me a pipe and cardigan, srsly).

In addition, we've made an agreement for the future. Joe's doing a Diploma in 2010, and that will take one year. After that he means to find a fulltime job in I.T. When he does, I'm to cease working entirely, and start working on my creative projects fulltime, supported by Joe's income. This is our agreement, and this, along with the other stuff he's doing at home right now, is what makes our current financial arrangement fair and equitable.

I can appreciate why some might be concerned, because we had some rough times in the past, and we've both made compromises over the years. In this journal I am guilty of writing volumes when I'm upset but staying mum when things are great, and I'd like to rectify that now. This past year has been the happiest of my life. Joe treats me with love and respect, never speaks harshly to me, values my intelligence and companionship, loves my body, and appreciates my friends. I return it all in kind. We are completely at peace with one another.

So for those of you who've been quietly worrying that I'm being taken advantage of? You're sweet for being concerned, but you needn't worry. I can take care of myself. And as an added bonus, Joe is taking excellent care of me too. :)

I negotiated an 'early mark' with my employers. They were keeping me on for the contractual six weeks notice period, but they had nothing for me to do and I had no reason to want to stay that amount of time - so I requested a renegotiation so I could leave earlier, and what do you know, they've OK'd it. So I might be out as early as this Friday. That's excellent news, because I've got some freelance to do.

Still considering my options too. I adore Damo and he's uber-talented, but I'm not 100% sure about us going into business because of the Tasmania thing - it's not going to be impossible for us to work together purely online, but it's going to be challenging. I could always stay here but I'm really over Brisbane, I'm just acheing for that move. Should he and I decide not to pair up in our ventures, I'll still freelance as originally planned, but focus more of my time on writing too. Essentially, I just don't want to pull him into something that is going to make his freelancing life harder rather than easier; the boy is Going Places and I don't want to hold him back.

I'm anxious to be shot of this job, because I definitely need time to think all this through. Actually, once I've registered at Centerlink, I want to zip up to mum's place and spend a quiet week there taking a break and putting some serious thinking time into what to do next.

In the meantime, I must ring and harass my mortgage broker. It's one of those weeks where I'm trying to get things done and nobody is replying to my emails or calls.

Tonight I'm going with Rosa and the girls from work to a council-run Self Defence for Women class. I would be looking forward to it a lot more if a day of trotting around Southbank on heels hadn't screwed my knee all over again. Damn you, body! What are you THINKING?

What would I have to do for you to get you to buy me this??

http://www.woot.com/ - MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE PACK OMG.

I ask because they don't ship to Australia, so an American friend will have to help me out here, and also because I am Not Allowed to pay moneys for things right now (by order of Me!) but am perfectly able to offer services instead.

I can offer a professionally-designed logo, ooorrrrr a flat-coloured single-character illustration. Anyone interested?

Sorry to spam so much today guys, but I just remembered I promised to show these to Joe and figured I might as well upload them here while I was at it. This is the series of logos I've designed for one of my two current 'mates rates' clients.

The brief, in essence, is that a local photographer just starting out wants a logo that he can use on his blog, but that can also be used as an effective and readable watermark on his photographs.

I always design in grayscale first (especially for the purposes of watermarking); I'll do a colour version when Daniel has decided which logo he likes. Right now he's debating between #1 and #2, and I'm going to do a quick mashup of certain elements from the two to see if that works (I have a feeling it might not but I've been staring at them too long to be able to tell without actually doing it.) My personal favourite by a longshot is #2; I feel it's more original than the rest and lends itself to watermarking. Not one of these is what I'd called finished, even beyond the colour aspect. For instance, seeing them laid out here, I think I'd be well served moving the 'AUSTRALIS' closer to the 'dawnstar' in every case. Also I still need to fuck with alignment and kerning and shit, but yeah, they're getting there.



Am currently working on another logo for a web designer friend. His business will be called 'Dover Designs' and he wanted something with a pair of sweeping elements between the two words. The awesome thing about this is that I've realised I can use sweepy stylised versions of the 'fancy tag' (I have no idea what you web people call it but it looks like this: } ) to represent a pair of capital 'D's.

In most areas I tend to prefer illustration over graphic design, but logos make me happy as a clam. Incidentally, if anyone reading is in need of a logo, I'm wide open right now.

FAR too close to home. :D OK, I've got my savings v mortgage plan figured out, I've emailed my mortgage broker, and now I wait. For today, my fiscal responsibilities are doneski.

So for now I am going to do some freelancing. And then go home and play Animal Crossing and watch the fourth Star Trek movie and chew on Joe, preferably all at once because there's nothing like multitasking your leisure time. :D

Five and a half weeks 'til freedom.